What hurts the most
by Sunny Ice
Summary: After the events of Kevin turning into Ultimate Kevin, an accident is about to change the people who love him. Gwen promised him to be with him forever, but forever includes also the last step. Is she ready to keep her promise? *Gwevin fluff*, brotherly Bevin.
1. Welcome back

**Spoiler Alert: Watch the "Ben 10: Ultimate Alien" episodes "The Forge of Creation" to "Absolute Power, Part Two" before reading it!**

*breathe* This is it: the reason I signed in here. It is probably the longest story I will ever write for Ben 10 and I really hope you like it. I read many FFs about "what happens after Kevin turned back to normal" and I think, yes, this mutation _must_'ve effects on his body.  
And what about Gwen and Ben? How do they cope with the fact that Kev hurt them and was nearly killed because of it by Ben? What changes, what doesn't?

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Ben 10" or any related series. I don't own the song "What hurts the most" by Rascall Flats  
****Claimer: The way the characters are composed (aka "the storyline") is my intellectual property.**

* * *

_*I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
__That don't bother me*_

"All's well, that ends well", my cousin Ben once said to me, when I broke my leg because of Elena. This is a very clever saying.

Especially for someone who does such stupid things as my cousin.

Though he isn't stupid, he is just…trying to cope with the burden of the Ultimatrix. Most of the time such sentences come from me, Gwen Tennyson, cousin of _the Ben Tennyson._ I'm the voice of reason, I take the responsibility for our mission to succeed. Otherwise Ben and Kevin would overreact and just rip our enemies into pieces.  
That's when he's not so clever. In contrary to those words.

I disagree with that. Because now it came to this. All we've been through is worth nothing, has just been easy nut-jobs compared to what happened. I know how to deal with it as always. I thought this through. This is the only possibility. The very last decision, the last proof. I will love Kevin till the end. And further.

**(Flashback)**

"Kevin!" My heart skipped more then one beat. He was himself again! His mind, his body were freed from that monster. I ran to him. Drank in his scent, his warmth and the love that was ours. I had him back, only because my plan was successful.

I merely noticed that Darkstar tried to get the left-over power for himself and Ben stopping him. All my thoughts were with the man I held in my arms. As he stood up, I felt a cold breeze due to the lack of his body.  
Then I came back to reality.

If I would have said that I was happy then I couldn't name the wave which rushed over me, as I came to my senses. "You saved his life!" I ran to Cooper and kissed him on the cheek. I owed him big time. We all did. But he was just too modest to leave all the fame to himself.

"Ben figured out Darkstar's plan and told me what to do." Sure, Ben saved the world. Still, I would have to talk to him afterwards about his plan to "take Kevin down for good", as he stated it. By now, all that counted was Kevin being human again. At least the half he was supposed to be.

"Hey, since you're kissin' people...", he pointed at his cheek. As if he didn't know, that he was my one and only.

Slowly I walked over to him, put my arms around his neck and kissed him. Warm and soft, but still blissfully light. Like a "welcome home", after a long trip.

_*I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out _

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while*_

I pushed myself away from him, when I heard something I never expected in my whole life to hear: "Wasn't me this time, it was all of us," Ben said.

Kevin and I looked at each other. In his eyes I could see that he was overwhelmed by the mood of relieve too.

"Listen," he started towards Ben. "When I was...uh...outta control, I said some things..."

"No need to apologize", my cousin cut him off with a smile. "We're both kinda jerks, that's why we get along."

Whoa, time-out. If they only got along because of being jerks, then why did I get along with them this well?! I walked over to them.

"I'm not a jerk."

"Good point." Ben got it. "If I were you, I'd apologize." That was not…never mind.

"Yeah, well if I were you, I wouldn't have been such a wuzz," Kevin challenged Ben. There they went again. Quarreling like ever.

"Wuzz!?" The expression on his face clearly said: What the…

"If you ever lost it, like I did, I would have taken you down right away."

"And if I had, you wouldn't be here to call me a wuzz." Good point, cuz.

"So it worked out great." Kevin said with a smirk. This was his way of thanking and apologizing to Ben. Nearly naming him a good-hearted hero. At this point I had to say something, before the two of them started up again.

"Who wants to go with me and explain to my folks, what happened to their house?" I suggested. That was what to do now, cleaning up the mess and after that we could go to...

"Mr Smoothie?" Kevin ignored me and spoke to my cousin only.

"You're buyin'?"

Startled I watched as they went off, and left me with all the others.

_*Even though going on with you gone still upsets me*_

"So..." I cleared my throat, signaling I wanted to speak to all of them. "Julie and Grandpa, can you take our...guests home?" They nodded. I looked at the now free aliens. "In Kevin's name I want to say sorry for what happed to you, we really thought the plumbers took you home." Ra'ad nodded, Bivalvin and Pan'dor crossed their arms over theirs chests and Galapagus and Andreas walked over to me.

With a big, nearly bone-crushing hug Andreas called me "friend." As he released me, Galapagus took my hand. Lightly, as I assessed gladly.

"I really am thankful to all of you, you did the best you could to help us. I hope we can keep in touch with Ben Tennyson and his great team."

I only smiled at him. Then they were gone, leaving only Cooper and me. Michael got away during the happenings.

The blonde came to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked.

Suddenly the tiredness from all the fighting kicked in. The adrenalin must've worn off. I sat down on the next box I found.

"Yeah, just exhausted, that's all."

_*There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay _

_But that's not what gets me*_

As he went to get me a glass of water or something, I covered my face in my hands. What a day! The whole week has been a real mess, but today was just…disastrous. I still couldn't believe what happened. Aggregor, the five aliens stranded, Kevin turned into a monster, me seeking desperately for help…after all, I was still a high school girl. Born as a normal girl, turned into a heroine by just one event. If Ben hadn't found the Omnitrix five years ago, would I have discovered my powers? Would I have gotten to know Kevin? I doubted it.

But for now, I just cursed Azmuth and his stupid invention.

I could have lost everything: Kevin's sanity, my trust in Ben, my own life.

_*What hurts the most _

_Was being so close*_

"I already started the engine. Come on, I'll take you home, Gwen." Cooper handed me a bottle and put a delicate hand on my shoulder to guide me to the jet.

u-_-u

A/N: Not much is new, I know. Promise for next week: it will be sth you never read/saw...

Waiting for your revs (stay polite!-),  
Sunny Ice


	2. What he'll do for me

I literally fell into my bed after promising my parents that I would explain what happened and why I looked like I did tomorrow. Or rather in a few hours, seeing it was three o'clock in the morning.

The last thing on my mind was the promise I gave Kevin before we kissed: I would always be by his side.

I woke up by hearing voices of a discussion in the living room. As I gathered my full conscience, I recognized Kevin, my parents and grandpa. And my name mentioned.

Still in the cloths that were my school uniform before the fight, I went downstairs.

"What's going on here?"

"Good morning, pumpkin", grandpa smiled. The others just stared at me.

"Good morning." I looked into their faces. "Why are you arguing at this early time?" The clock- and my bruised body- told me it was just after eight.

"Your friend tried to explain us what he did to you." By the word friend my dad made quotation marks with his fingers.

"And I told them, that I didn't mean to hurt you," Kevin looked like a kicked puppy- eyes casted down, shoulders slumped and way too pale.

Grandpa helped him: "He can't control his body, when he absorbs energy."

"Then why _did_ he do it?" my mum asked.

"To save Ben and Gwen from getting hurt worse by Aggregor." And the whole entire universe, but that was just minor matter to my parents.

"So, correct me, if I'm wrong: You did something, you know would hurt my daughter, in order to prevent to hurt my daughter? That is a bit illogical to me." Dad crossed his arms over his chest.

"Dad, no, that's not it." I complained. I couldn't believe what they thought about Kevin. He helped so many people and it turned out pretty good, counting all the bruises Ben and I got; but at least everybody was alive.

"Kevin helped us all. He just did what he thought necessary at that point. Don't blame him for how I look like, that's a thing between him and me." Mum and Dad looked at each other.

"Honey, we only want you to be fine. And as we saw you coming home last night like that..."

"I told you, I will explain. Why couldn't you wake me up?"

"That was my fault," Kevin apologized. "I couldn't reach you after you saved me, so I came here at what I thought was an appropriate hour to check on you."

I gave him a genuine smile. He returned it, causing the butterflies in my stomach to wake up too.

"Why don't we get some breakfast? Son, set some coffee and leave the children to talk. The boy showed his concern for Gwen, now let him get what he came for." With that, grandpa led my parents to the kitchen.

Relieved and still tired, I dropped on the couch. Kevin took hesitantly place beside me. He looked nervous. I opened my arms, offering a hug. He happily put me into a soft embrace. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Just don't ever do that again, okay?"

"Promised." I could hear his smile. He released me a bit to examine me. "You want me to take you to the hospital?"

"I don't think, I'll need it. There _is_ one thing I need though." I gave him a smirk and cuddled into his side. He draped an arm around my shoulder and let the other rest on my hair.

"I really tried to stop it, Gwen. I really did, but the power... it was just like watching yourself and not being able to stop it."

For a few moments we just sat there, breathing in the well-being of the other.

"I knew you were strong enough to fight me. And to be honest- if the only way to stop me was taking me down, it would've been okay with it for you purpose." Kevin said.

I stiffened. "_WHAT_ did you just say?!" I hissed.

Startled, he let go of me. "I-I would've-"

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" I was out of my mind now. How could he dare to say something like that? "DO YOU REALLY THINK, I WOULD BE ABLE TO KILL YOU AND JUST LIVE ON?!" I jumped off the couch, fuming.

"B-but Gwen, I just-"

"YOU JUST WHAT, KEVIN? JUST THOUGHT ABOUT ME?" I turned away. "I don't believe that", I whispered, still raging.

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" he was confused to nowhere.

"What love is about! It's not all about concerning for my health, it's concerning for the psych too. For the soul, if you want it that way. Don't you think it wouldn't hurt more seeing you dead, then having some bruises and scratches?" All the power I didn't use to get his human form back seeped into my anger. How could he be that oblivious? I would let myself get beaten up hundreds of times, if he could live.

"Gwen, I'm..." I shoved his hand off my shoulder.

"Not now, Kevin, just...leave."

"But-"

"LEAVE!" I shouted and ran upstairs. I wasn't stable enough to cope with him right now.

I collapsed on my bed and curled into a ball. Everything broke down on me and I started to cry as if there was nothing else I would ever want to do. How could he even dare to think, that I could live on without him. I loved him for god's sake! One year ago I wasn't able to think that I could be that dependable on someone like I was now. Not for protection, not even for helping Ben and me with the aliens. Only for my heart. To have the other half of me. To be complete.

Dozing off again, I had only the complications of love on my mind.

`Oh, shut up!´, I thought, as I heard an annoying beeping noise. `Why can't the universe be at stake when I had slept enough?´

I took the plumbers-badge from my nightstand and answered it.

"Gwen, it's Ben. I need you to come to the Rustbucket." His sounded more worried than ever. I rushed instantly to the hangar.

u-_-u

* * *

I know, cliffhanger aren't nice, but you only have to wait one week. And hey- that really isn't long.**  
Today I read on about the "Butterfly Project" against self-injury. For all you out there: there are other ways-scream, shout kick something, run as fast and far as you can...do something else, it'll help, I promise!  
(I never cut myself, but me and some friends helped a beloved one out of it.)**

**To support the "Butterfly Project" gimme your voice! (=review)  
**You can also review about _my_ work here;-)

Love and (inner) Peace,  
Sunny


	3. The Incident

**Sry, I named the last chapter with the name _this _should be named...don't be confused by the change and leave a rev, please!**

* * *

"Where are we going? What's happening? Why isn't Kevin here? Why don't you answer me?" I asked, as Ben and I sat in the jet.

"One question at a time, Gwen. We're going to Galvan Prime. Kevin's there. And if you've breathed between your questions, I could have told you."

I frowned: "What is Kevin doing on Galvan Prime without us?"

Ben kept his eyes on the way we went, as he answered me: "Gwen, Kevin had an accident. He's in hospital there."

"What?" I gaped.

"I can't tell you exactly, but I think the overload from this little incident with the Ultimatrix seemed to have caused his systems to kinda...blow up. I found him in the garage, when I searched for him 'cause he didn't show up at Mr Smoothies this noon. He was unconscious, and since he is not completely human, I called the Azmuth and then the plumbers instead of 911. Seemingly, I guessed right, his break-down was anything but human."

If I weren't _this_upset with the news, I would've recognized the fear in my cousin's voice.

As we landed, Azmuth welcomed us with the words: "He's not as well as we thought." Then he led us to a room that looked more like a common room in an earth house, than a hospital room. Kevin was in the same kind of tank they put grandpa in after his nervous system broke down. With just his boxers on, I could see the bruises, black marks and all the wounds his clothes had covered pretty well. I saw some scratches on his legs and back. Yesterday I only noticed some small ones on his torso and face. Of course he must've had something worse. Ben and I beat him up pretty badly.

A Galvan informed us about his health state. I only knew what half of the things were he told us about. Nothing, so it appeared, was as it should be. His limbs suffered from being mutated and his vitals were nearly crushed because of us.

"Gwen!" Ben clicked his fingers in front of my face. "You okay?"

"Sorry, what? Oh, yes, I just…need a bathroom. Can you tell me-"

"I'll bring you there." A bell-like female voice behind me said. Eunice.

I put a smile on and followed her. She led me into another cozy room. "Your grandpa suggested for you to stay here a little while. You seem to need some rest. Do _you_ want to stay here?" In the first moment I thought about refusing, but then I felt all the beats I took at once. With a sigh I sat down on the light-blue bed comforter. "Can I get some things from home?" I smiled hopefully and looked into her eyes. I saw softness. "Of course. I'll tell Max."

As I unpacked my things at the sanatoria, I cognized that I was still in the same clothes I wore since yesterday. Before I dressed into something more comfortable, I took a shower. Thanks to the pills Eunice gave me, my wounds didn't hurt in the warm water.

Standing before Kevin's door, I took a deep breath. I was early evening, and Grandpa was back on earth. Ben stayed overnight, letting Azmuth fix the Ultimatrix and getting some rest himself.

My hand was on the button to open the door. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me: "Want to do this alone, or can I join you?"

Ben smiled. At least one of us was able to.

I gave him a reassuring smile back, and placed a finger on my lips, symbolizing him to be quiet. Together we stepped into the room. It was dark now, on Galvan the sun seemed to set like on earth. A few lights were on a wall beside the tank. They bathed the room in a strange light.

"He looks like he was just caught sleep-walking", Ben whispered. I agreed, but said nothing. It shocked me to see Kevin- the strong ex-con, who took us down many times when we were kids- weak like this.

"It is all our fault", I said under my breath. Slowly the tears began to fall. What did we do? How could we hurt a friend of ours so badly?

"It is not our fault, Gwen." Ben took my shoulders and made my eyes to meet his. "At least not yours." With his thumb he softly wiped away my tears. I took a step backwards, out of his grip. My hand touched the surface of the tank as if it tried to stroke Kevin. `No, not him. Not Kevin. NOT MY LOVE!´ I screamed in my head. Abruptly I turned around and left Ben alone in the room. I couldn't stand this. This was too much in such a short time for me. I called Eunice, she _had_ to give me something to keep me from hyperventilating.

_*And having so much to say _

_And watching you walk away*_

An orange pill and two cups of what appeared to be tea later, I sat on my bed. Ben had an arm around my shoulder, talking to Eunice about the happenings of the last week. I was deep in my thoughts until I heard Eunice asking my cousin: "Would you like to keep her company? I think she can use someone to be by her side to relax." Ben agreed, and his bed was brought into my room. After doing all the washing and dressing up, we went to bed. Without the need to ask he moved his bed next to mine. In the faint light of Galvan B I saw him offering a hand. "Just like the old days, when we only said, we're doing that for supporting the other." This memory caused my lips to twitch into a smile.

"An today?" I asked.

"We _know_ it is for both of us." There he was- the Ben nobody except me ever saw. The brotherly, caring, emotion-sharing Ben.

"It's not your fault either." I told him, referring to what he said earlier.

"It is partly. Azmuth didn't give the Omnitrix to me, I just found it. And then I put it on again, when I thought it was necessary. I never knew Kevin would do that ever again, but still, we can't change what happened. We can just hope."

Once again I felt tears welling up. Of course, he was right. But still, I wished to hold Kevin right now.

"Azmuth puts another firewall into the Ultimatrix. Osmosian-proof this time." How could he manage to glue that smile on his face? Has he really that much hope?

"Sleep now, we need our strength. Good night, cuz," with that he put a kiss on my forehead and closed his eyes.

I couldn't sleep as easily as he. There was the promise I gave Kevin. How was I supposed to keep it now? Or was I already about to break it?

u-_-u

* * *

**I'm very sorry, I did this to Kevin, but I don't think, you can just live on w/o any damage after such a mutation. (I know genes are easily damaged, so I can't just overlook that fact).  
Thank you for the ideas and/in the pms! Special thanks to The Indian Princess for working on my next project with me. Check it out soon, and leave a rev, please!**


	4. Stealthy changes

(A week later)

"Gwen, where are you going?" My mother's voice caught me half-way out the door.

"Um, to the hangar?" I couldn't lie to her the last week. Although it would've been smarter than saying the truth.

"You have a test tomorrow, you can't go to see the boy for _the__third__time__today_!," she sounded stern.

"A least the third time you know about." I murmured. A bit louder I said: "I'll be back for dinner. Bye, mum!" Out I was, running to the hangar.

"Hello, Gwen!"

"Hello, Mrs Levin, how are you?"

"Fine, as far as for now, and you?"

For one second I thought about lying to her, then I decided not to. We sat in the same boat after all, we were concerned about Kevin.

"Could be better, but well, it will be, hopefully soon." I unlocked the jet and we got in. Just making some Smalltalk we flew to Galvan Prime. We got along very easily, for we knew each other a bit better now. Whenever I had gone to the Levin domicile, I had chatted a bit with her. Now we had not only the love for Kevin in common, but also the concern for his health.

In the sanatoria I led her to the room. With one hand on the opener I turned around, "You know about how hospitals for Plumbers work?" I tried to prepare her for the strange tank her son was currently in.

"Devlin told me a few things about it, but it was long ago." Now she was worried. "Why? Is it that scaring?"

"Maybe, but Kevin is in best hands. Just try not to be scared." I sighed. "Ready?"  
She nodded. I opened the door with closed eyes. Still, after all the countless visits, I need to leave the reality out to dive into this strange new world.

Mrs Levin cleared her throat and walked slowly towards her son. She laid a hand on the surface, as I had done so many times.

"Oh, my little baby…" she whispered.

I felt a lump in my throat and tears threatened to well up.

"I always told you to be careful. The world is full of threats, but the universe _is_ a threat itself." She turned around to face me. Her eyes were watered. "His father said it every time I asked him about his day. We tried to be a normal family. I tried for Kevin even after my husband...after he..." A heavy sob interrupted her. I closed the space between us and took her into my arms.

"I can't lose him too. He's all I have left."

Still holding her heavily shaking body, I guided her to a chair near the windows.

As I saw her face, I couldn't hold back the tears. We shared the fear of losing the only one we would ever be able to love this much. The one we didn't search for, but found as well.

"I'm sorry, I…I just-"

"I know, me too." I interrupted her and gave her a tissue. With a weak smile she took it.

"Did I ever tell you that I got lucky he has someone like you by his side?", as her crying faded, mine did as well.

_*And never knowing _

_What could have been*_

"He will have forever. Besides, I'm lucky as well." Now I could smile too. It felt wrong, though. We didn't know if there was a future for Kevin and me. What if he wakes up like this? Losing his powers would be the last on the list of possible bad things, but what if his brain or his vitals had permanent damages? What if he would never be able to master his daily routine on his own again? He has too much pride to be happy with that kind of life. If he has a life after all that.

Slightly I shook my head. `Don't think about such a thing, he will be okay, you'll see,´ a small voice, seeming to come from my heart, said.

`Look at him, does he look like he will ever be the same again? You two got him pretty badly. Can you live on with him handicapped? Or worst case: without him, ´ another voice -my rationalism- yelled against my heart.

_*And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do*_

`Shut up, both of you, we just have to wait´, the whole me cried against the fighting.

"I think, we should go." Mrs Levin snapped me out of the fight inside me. Looking in her eyes, I saw she felt the same way I did. We had to get out of here. The atmosphere was full of something dark and scaring. I pushed the thought of me in a dead-black dress away as I opened the door.

u-_-u


	5. Dealing with it

(One month later)

Beep, beep!, my alarm-clock went.

I slapped it hard, and turned around. I skipped my daily running for today. Actually I did so weeks ago. I felt too exhausted after it. Not in a good way. Just like I couldn't ran away from something, something like the darkness inside me.

_*It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you_

_ev'rywhere I go*_

It must have been half an hour later, when I got out of bed, under the shower and dressed for school. I grabbed my bag, kissed my mum goodbye and got on the bus. Daily routine. Like before. Like always. `At least it could pretend it.´, I thought sarcastically leaning my head against the window of the bus. I felt cold, but I've stopped bothering of trivialities like that too.

My cell beeped. A message from Ben:

`Wanna come over afternoon? Could need company´

I didn't know by now if I wanted to see anybody. In the last few weeks we hung out less than we did before. Not even for alien-fighting we saw each other. The plumbers' kids and grandpa took over our job as protectors of earth's quadrant. Only in worst-case-scenarios they called us for help. The last line of defense didn't work as well as it did with Kevin. And they knew it. Sometimes I thought everybody knew. The TV-stations didn't care for Ben any more, most of his fans have already seen him -rather _us-_ live.

I sighed and went into school. In the very first lesson my french teacher asked me to talk to her afterwards, for I got a "C" on my latest test.

My worst grade ever. I just nodded. Problems seemed to cling on me like a rats tail since...yes, since I was all alone. At least I felt so.

"Gwendolyn, what is wrong with you? Do you need someone to talk to about your problems? Shall I talk to your parents? I really am worried when my best A-student gets a C on a test like that. Compared to the others, it wasn't that difficult. So tell me, why couldn't you answer my questions?"

My teacher looked at me like I disappointed her. Ben was right: Don't be the best, and they won't expect you to be.

I shrugged and murmured: "Just not really at it, that's all. I will get better soon."

`What a lie´, my head screamed. `It will never get better, before Kevin does.´ I didn't have the power to shush it. It was right, and by now, my heart knew it too.

"I hope so. Good luck, Gwendolyn, I think you need it." I mirrored her faked smile and went to my locker. I stuffed the French textbook in and took out the one for the next class. My routine seemed to be the only thing working these days.

Suddenly I heard some girls talking behind my back.

"Have you heard about Gwen Tennyson?"

"Who?"

"Ben 10's cousin"

"She attends our school?"

"Yes, didn't you see her on TV? She's the one with the pink glowy hands."

"Oww, that one! What about her?"

" 'You see that handsome guy with Tennyson as well? The one with the cool car?"

"Yeah. He is hawt." I could hear a sly grin on her lips, that little bit-...bit too much.

"Normally, he picked her up after her training, I saw them from my baseball-training. But lately...he didn't come."

"Uh-hu, so?"

"So they broke up, you lame-brain!"

"Oww, they did?"

"Of course they did! Or 'you think a hottie like him would last with her any longer? She's so not his league." They laughed evilly. For one moment I thought about telling them, whose league _they_ were, but, I decided against it. I didn't have the strength. Should they think what they want. I slammed my locker closed and walked away. That was the least I could do. And although I didn't see them- I could feel their dumb looks as they realized that I heard every little word.

At home I didn't bother eating. I went to my room, closed the door, and wrote an sms to Ben:

`Must study, sry.´

Then I turned off my cell, dropped my bag and clothes and went to bed. In the middle of the day, I cried myself to sleep, hoping to never awake again.

_*But I'm doin' it _

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone *_

u-_-u

* * *

Next Chapter is going to be a longer one, I just didn't want to split them.

**Please leave a review!**


	6. I love you-forever

(Another month later)

My teleportation spell didn't work as well as I hoped. I landed on some kind of parking area. Spinning, I searched for the sanatoria. Suddenly I saw a green jet. It was the rustbucket, which was in Bellwood the last time _I_ landed it on earth.

I walked towards the building, I recognized as the one I was searching for. As I walked towards the room, I saw Eunice coming out. She didn't see me, as she was frowning over something she read on her diagnostic- com. My hopes for good news vanished. I couldn't ask her, what Kevin's health state was about, I didn't want to know. I watched her as she walked away. Then I snapped put of my thoughts and shook my head. What you don't know won't hurt you. My body was okay again, but my soul was more bruised then ever. If it were the other way round, I would've been at least in Kevin's stead. Alive but not living. Maybe a miracle happened and Kevin would take me in his arms, once I opened the door? Hoping, but not really believing I took a deep breath.

Quietly I pushed the opener. As I was about to enter the room, I saw someone sitting in the chair. The young man had his arms on his legs and his head hung between his hands. He looked as if the weight of the world pushed on his shoulders, pulling him even deeper into his own hell.  
It was my cousin.

I opened my mouth to greet him, but not a sound came out. The picture of our once so happy and laughter-filled evenings struck me. Kevin sitting beside me on the couch, Ben with a bowl of popcorn in his lap discussing the current movie and talking about it. Making fun of it, teasing the one, who chose it. Laughing all the way and just relaxing by the knowledge of having saved peoples and planets from being destroyed. We were just three teens spending some time together, not heroes, who could have been killed hours before. We simply blocked it out, thinking we were invincible.

I had noticed that Ben came to me after our lost fights more often. I patched him up we just sat on my bed and stared holes in the air. Silence was the blanket and the threat around us. Then he stood up, turned around, looked at me with a strange look, shook his head and went home. Nothing more.

Seeing him like this reminded me at the day, we came here for the first time. He was so sure, that everything was going to be okay. But now his face was buried in his hands and I wasn't able to move a muscle to go to him and do something for him that helps making him feel better. For the sake of all the times I shut him up, when he laughed at something stupid, I wished for that laughter so badly I had to strain my self to not go over and shake him until he bursts with happiness.  
My gaze caught a glittering tear running down his arm. The only thing, that didn't seem to be frozen in this room.

Abruptly I turned around and ran out of the room, out of the hospital.

That's it! I had had it! No more suffering. This has to end NOW, I want my Ben back and even more my Kevin. So I'll be with him again, like I promised.

At home I went straight to the basement where I knew my father kept some of grandpa's old Plumber gear. With new-found strength I shoved some boxes and old weapons aside and opened a case, I recognized from the summer six years ago. A weak smile formed on my face. This was the way out of this mess. My only way. I should have thought about it earlier, would've spared me a lot of suffering.

_*Still harder: getting up, getting dressed, _

_livin' with this regret*_

I could fix this whole mess, I've done. I've put Kevin in this situation, I can put him out as well.

Dead on target, I went to my room, sat by the desk and wrote a note for my parents and family. A tear dripped down and corrugated the paper. These words would be the most historical ones of my life.

I placed the sheet on the bed, which I made properly. I turned off my phone, placed it on the nightstand and strolled to the middle of the room. Everything reminded me of the boy I loved:

My desk, where I corrected his essays for the GED;  
my bed, where he slept, when I learned far after midnight, just to wait for me, when I finally fell asleep in his arms;  
my window, which he used as a door.

He was not only _in_ my life, he already _was_ my life.

After today, this room would remind the others as well of us as a couple. The most loving couple ever in the whole galaxy and further. I smiled as tears ran down my cheeks. The kids at the plumber-academy will learn not only about _the_Ben Tennyson, but also about his best friend as his cousin. What did I talk about. I never cared about that kind of fame. It was Ben's cup of tea, my goal always was to be at my best, and maybe to even be the best. And now I am. We reap what we sow. My goal was closer than ever.

Slowly I checked the gear in my right hand. It was ready, so was I.

_*But I know if I could do it over _

_I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart _

_That I left unspoken*_

I raised my hand, until I felt the cold metal of the gun at my temple. It was kinda calming to me.

I closed my eyes. Pictures, scenes of my life appeared- the first time I saw Ben in the rustbucket, the first time I met Kevin, the first time I kissed him, how we danced, how he drained my energy, how my vision blurred when I cried for him, how his face was frightening pale the morning after. How he looked like he was only sleeping in that tank. Soon enough, we'll both be sleeping, my love.

My heart raced, my hand shook. I would be with him again. As I promised, I would never leave him ever again. If this was the other way of having my chance to be with him, instead of walking down the aisle, I would go it. Not for me. For us.

_*What hurts the most _

_Was being so close*_

In eternity nothing can separate us. I will have nothing to fear, and neither will he. I'll wait for him. I can wait a few hours until the people on Galvan brought him to me. Turning off the machines couldn't take very long, could it? This was my choice, nobody –neither Ben or Kevin's mom- could say something against it. It was me, who was in charge, it was me all the time. When Eunice gave me the paper she found in his jeans, I cried. Only seven words were scribbled on it: "Gwen should decide, she knows me best." I do, Kevin, I do know what's best for the both of us. Like Romeo and Juliet, we had our families- no, only mine- against our relationship. I was too good for you. Weren't these your words too, when you told me, you love me? You never were. You were perfect, and deep down, you knew all the time.

I clicked the safety to release it.

Forever yours, my love. In heaven or in hell, I'll be with you. I won't let you alone, and you can't do either.

I smiled. I felt the heat of the loading gun burn my skin. I didn't matter now. It would never matter again.

Give me your hand, Prince Of The Darkness, I will dance with you until the man of my dreams takes over. He is the only one to take away my tears as well as my fears.

I heard the soft "beep" of the gun telling me it was ready to shoot. A sob escaped my lips. It would be my last, I swore.

_*And having so much to say*_

I did tell you many times that I love you, right? And you gave it back, stroking my hair, kissing my lips or hugging me tight.

I did tell you that you were and will ever be the one and only for me, right? Nobody dreamt about it, and then you came crashing into my life, turning it upside-down in the best of ways.

I did tell you that I was afraid that the "us" would replace the "I", didn't I? No, I didn't, because it wasn't true. There was an "I" when I was without you and there was an "us", whenever you were with me. It came so smooth into our lifes, clinging on us, showing us, who we really were. Bringing the best and the worst out on the surface.

_*And watching you walk away*_

I put my finger on the trigger.

Goodbye, Kevin. I love you.

"He's awake."

Were the last words I heard. Then there was nothing but silence.

_*And never knowing _

_What could have been*_

u-_-u

* * *

This is the main chapter and the reason, I wrote this whole story (which turned out longer than I expected). It was the song, which triggers this feeling in me, this sweet and destroying melancholy.  
Don't cry yet, there is more to come.  
**Please leave a polite (mainly to other shippers) review, so I can post the next chapter before Christmas!**


	7. Can love be crazy?

**"He's awake."**

**Were the last words I heard. Then there was nothing but silence.**

**_*And never knowing _**

**_What could have been*_**

u-_-u

"He's awake."

A soft voice behind me said.

My hand dropped the gun, my knees buckled. What...? How...? Why...?

Ben caught me, before I hit the floor. He took me in his arms and hushed me, held me like a little baby. I burst into tears never to stop again. I couldn't believe it and didn't have the power to ask if it was true. All the emotions left me speechless. Only saying it to stop me from ending it would be a trick way too cruel to be pulled by someone like Ben. He loved me too much for lying to me. He loved me like the twin-sister, I became through the years to him. Like the missing puzzle piece for keeping not only him down to earth and therefore safe. _We __were __safe_. All of us.  
I clung onto Ben's shoulder and cried. There was nothing else I could do at this point.

_*And not seeing that loving you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do*  
_u-_-u

* * *

Hold on, I still have one last chapter for you!-)  
**Please leave a review! (Pretty please with puppy dog eyes°°)**


	8. My normal boys-Epilogue

(Epilogue- a few weeks after the wake)

"You'll never get me!"

"I already got you." he tackled me into the grass. "And now I got you again, sweety." He whispered into my ear.

"Get off of me, Kevin, you're heavy!" I laughed and hit his shoulder playfully.

We were in a park, fooling around. Kevin was pretty well at this point and I was just thankful for everyday of him being alive now. His therapy on Galvan Prime went better than anyone expected. But it was Kevin- of course he surprised us.

"Maybe I should just check if you have the same effect on me." He rolled over taking me with him and placing me on top of him. "Nah, you're as light as ever. Just right for my favorite energy being." he smiled and kissed me. All I could do was smiling and enjoying.

"Oh, come on! Can't I leave you guys alone at least to go to the bathroom without coming back and interrupting you two making out?" Ben playfully mocked.

"If it was that hurtful to see us kissing, then I'll just do it again." Kevin brought his lips closer to mine.

"So, you're just kissing me to annoy Ben?" I asked, still smiling, holding him off to kiss me.

"Sure, or did you think, I fell for a smart, humorous, strong and- not to forget- beautiful girl like you?" Now _he_ was teasing _me_.

"Oh, shut up! If I'm that much of a plague, I'll better go." acting, as if I was really peeved, I stood up.

_*What hurts the most _

_Was being so close _

_And having so much to say*_

As I looked down at him, I thought about what I had nearly lost, because of one moment going crazy over the concern about him. He didn't know about it. It was Ben's and my secret. Though I was pretty hard to convince Ben not to tell Kevin, that I of all people nearly made the biggest mistake ever. He was on my side, not sharing my opinion, but leaving it be. Kevin should never get to know, what I was about to do to us.

_*And watching you walk away _

_And never knowing _

_What could have been*_

So he kept asking us, why a framed ticket with my signature hung in Ben's room. He ran a red light to tell me the news of Kevin's awakening as fast as possible. After all- I had my cell turned off. I paid the ticket for him, 'cause it saved my life. Okay, not this piece of paper did, but what it stood for.

_*And not seeing that loving you _

_Is what I was tryin' to do*_

"Don't you dare to!" Kevin grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him again.

Ben rolled his eyes and crossed his arms before his chest. "I just came to ask for a favor, Kevin."

Both of us looked up at him stunned. "You need what?" asked Kevin, as if he didn't understand.

My cousin sat down beside us, I did the same.

"Fine, but no more money for Smoothies, you already owe me." Kevin grinned.

"Listen", Ben looked uncomfortable. "Azmuth installed a firewall in the Ultimatrix. I need you to test it."

"Okay, let's go-" He made a move to get up.

"No need for the computers." Ben shook his head. "It is a safety for Osmosians. You shouldn't be able to absorb the power."

Hearing that, my boyfriend grabbed my hand. He looked horrified.

"No way, Tennyson. Everything but that. Do you really think I want to turn into a monster again and than face death? Or worse- killing you in the progress, not to think about what will have to go through. No! Never again."

"It is save now, I just need to test it-"

"Test means, it is insecure, if it works. He won't do it.", I cut in.

"Would have the need to test it on the field?", Ben arched an eyebrow.

Kevin opened his mouth to argue against it, but he didn't find the words. Neither did I.

My cousin was right- we couldn't be sure, that Kevin would ever again try to safe us that way. Although the three of us spent evenings talking about it, and furthermore planning such worst-case-scenarios precisely to avoid ever going through the horror of nearly losing one of the team again.

Hesitating, he laid on hand on the Ultimatrix, the other still held me close to him.

I tightened my grip and closed my eyes. Ready to stop him, I focused on my Anodite-power, ready to rip the device off him if necessary.

Kevin suddenly shrieked beside me. I opened my eyes. He shook his hand as if he had burnt it. But he was still human.

I turned to Ben with a questioning look on my face.

"Azmuth said, it would hurt, but I thought it was a warning that it could still be absorbed."

"That thing gave me an electric shock!", Kevin yelled.

"At least we know, it worked." Ben said casually, as he stood up and dusted his jeans.

"You could have asked Azmuth how the firewall was supposed to work and warned me!" he grabbed Ben by the collar.

"I just hoped, you wouldn't turn into a monster, but I see, it didn't work," my cousin smirked.

"You little...", Kevin snarled.

"Go for it.", Ben said and slapped the Ultimatrix. He turned into Fastrack and ran. Kevin absorbed a stone and ran after him.

I threw my arms around my knees and looked after them.

My boys- just being normal as ever.

_*Not seeing that loving you_

_That's what I was tryin' to do*_

x-_-x

* * *

Okay, I hope, all of you who wrote me to ask me if Gwen will live- I won't let her die...yet.  
It was very exciting for me to write a long story like this (was intended to be only about 1000 words), and I really like to thank the ones who supported me (or freaked out about this being so OOC for me writing stories...) especially **Frostys Millenium**, who betaed this (and my Detective Conan-FF) for me and learned sth about the famous and beloved "Ben 10"-series.  
To my readers: keep reviewing, keep asking, keep urging me to write on- it makes my day every single time, and I won't ever stop writing as long as I'm breathing. But for now...  
_"...the final curtain fell and we are free from the stage...but not from our lives."  
**Please leave a **(polite)** review!-)**_

Love and thanks,  
_Sunny Ice_


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